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go dieeeeee~~~ muahahahahahahah~~~~
posted @ 12:00 AM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
When is enough enough? I scratch my botak head.. I think. I thought. But when?
You want more. I tried. I failed. I try again. I still fail. I try again. I fail again. This process will keep going. But when am I going to pass?
You want more time. Army takes my time. Parents want me time. U need my time. I got only this much of time. Who is going to give me time?
You want me to understand. I try to. But I don't. I blame myself for being stupid.
I apologise for not giving and understanding everything you need. I'm Sorry. But I love you.
posted @ 12:44 PM
Thursday, October 06, 2005
this much.....
<<--------------------------------1000000000000000000000000000*Unlimited---------------------------------------------->>
so faster come back ok?
posted @ 4:19 PM
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The moment you board the bus, I couldn't help but cry. Because my heart tells me she is not feeling well, that cause the warm stinging feeling on my cheek. But it wasn't a good time foor crying, for I wanted to see you the last sight. So I ran after the bus just like how I did in the past. The last goodbye warm my heart, as well as sour it. The stinging feeling was here again. The pain of parting increase when you told me "See you in two weeks time". I knew I'm going to miss you alot, your hugs, your smile, your teases, your kisses, and you told me that I'm going to miss your pet phrase.
Yes, I believe it now. How I long you are at my side now. How I wish the time will stop for us when you are sleeping by my side.
Please come back to me.
Please come back..
to me...
posted @ 11:29 PM
Monday, August 15, 2005
As time goes by, from a gentle little sweet flower turned into a buzzing bee. Little did I ever expect that I will become naggy like other girls. I thought I will be the exception case, however not. Perhaps, all girls are the same, thinking that they have this kind of special ability to turn their boyfriends into obedient dogs.
As time goes by, I begin to realise the reason why we always ended up barking at each other. People say, In a relationship, there is no right or wrong, no winner or loser. But I say, you'll need alot of energy and time because after each quarrel, you will end up in exhaustion, exhausting physically, mentally.
As time goes by, the more we quarrel, the more I realized how deep is my love for you. It can never ever be measured - A Precious Love. Yes, I admit that I couldn't accept the true when you can't provide more time and love for me, due to circumstances. I always had this little thinking twinky that telling me you are not trying hard enough to fight for you freedom, end up giving me too much freedom. I seriously believe what people always said Woman will let their thinking run wild should they have too much freedom. Perhaps, all these little thinkings are under the Psychology of Feminine.
As times goes by, I became scared. Afraid. Afraid of what I've hope for end up didn't came true. I tried my best not to think too much. But it just counldn't help when I saw parents in a fight, mum end up losing. I know, and I'm sure of one thing. I made a promise that is never ever end up the losing party if I should be in the right position.
As time goes by, I began to lose faith in realationship for I never ever understand what makes a love last till the end of a courtship and enters a marriage. People say Marriage is the tomb of love. I agreed. Unless I can chance upon a realationship that prove me wrong.
As time goes by, our relationship might turn blend at times. It is normal, I know. However, I just couldn't stop my mind from flowing back to the days we started dating. It was so great! I love being tender, care by the one I love. He treats me very good that time. Alot of sweet honey words into my ears, who will reject? Because I never been sweet to him when we were friends, so when I suddenly changed for him, he was surprised, touched, love me even more, thats when all the sweet talks came in, I thought.
As time goes by, I realized that this time, I was in serious relationship that I longed for. Yes, I found the one I love. And I hope that nothing gone wrong somewhere along the path till we enters a new chapter.
posted @ 5:17 PM
Friday, June 03, 2005
I don't like to repeat.
But I don't know why I just can't stop repeating.
What's the point?
What the point of repeating when things is going to happen this way.
I always hope.
Hope for the best, hope for the way I want it to be.
Because I had asked for a perfect love, from someone who love me deeply.
People says it is good not to carry too much hope.
More hope equivalent to more disappointment.
More expectation equivalent to more unexpectation.
At first I still don't know why, but now I realized.
Realized how hard it is to manage a relationship.
How hard it is to be a perfect lover.
How hard it is to lead a normal life.
No doubt, I'm speaking from my bottom heart.
And my heart always asked me, "If it is that hard, then why not give it away?"
I told her, "I can't, because this is my first true love.
And I love him deeply from my bottom heart.
And I'll try, no matter how hard it is, to pursue my own happiness."
-No doubt, I'm speaking from my bottom heart-
posted @ 1:54 PM
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Staring dead at the MSN window..
Y are we quarreling?
Was it me?
Did i said something wrong?
Yup. It was me. Again. Forever me.
Nope. Its not my fault. She hurt me first.
That statement flash through my mind.
Wat bullshit.. R u a kid? Childish.. Get a life..
Ya. I'm no longer a kid. I should be matured by now.
What was i thinking? Blaming her and not me.
Was it the bad attitude? Was i complacent of having her? Was i taking advantage of her?
I dunno.. no idea.. Looks like it.. no.. It is.. everyting is true..
Promise to myself to love her and take care of her..
They seem to come and go..
What was that suppose to mean?
Love her at times and no feeling for her during the remaining time?
Nope..
Sick and tired?
Nope..
Den wat?
I dunno..
That is not an answer.. But i have no idea how to explain.. I love her all the time.. But y didn't i show it all the time?
I dunno..
I koe she will not leave me.. that is wat she said..
She promised me..
But how long can tolerate u?
I koe she can..
R u sure?
ehhh.. no..
Are u afraid?
yes yes..
The thought of her leaving me was really bad.. miserable.. terrible.. disaster..
My heart ache.. Fear grows and thought of stopping..
Fear of?
She leaving me..
Do i miss her?
Yes.. Miss her very much..
Do i love her?
Yes.. Love her very much..
Do i need her in my life?
Definitely..
Do i pamper her?
Yes i do.. But she is saying NO.. y?
Do i dote her?
Very much.. But she disagree.. y?
Do i give in to her?
Sometimes.. Y not all the time?
Do i humour her?
Yes.. But she is not feeling it.. y?
Does she love u?
OF COz..
Does she miss u?
Everytime..
Does she need u?
Yes she do..
Does she pamper u?
Definitely..
Does she dote u?
Yes yes..
Does she give in to u?
Yup..
Does she humour u?
All the time..
Y can she do it and u can't?
She can tolertate all ur shit and u can't? y?
She is always there for u.. R u?
She express her feelings for u everytime and wat r u doing? thinking tat it is a MUST?
R u stupid? No no no.. U r stupid the stupidest fool on EARTH..
Y is there droplets of water running down my cheek?
Nope.. its not water.. it is tears..
Y is it flowing? I can neither stop nor control it..
Now i know.. They are flowing for her..
Look at all the sacrifices tat she have done for u..
They are flowing for the suffering she suffered..
I smile with her looks flashing though my mind.. how sweet and beautiful is when she smiles at me..
It breaks my heart to see tears racing down her tender cheek..
I do not wan that to happen..
I don't wan to be the stupidest idiot on earth..
I don't wan to live and regret not treating her well..
I don't wan her to leave me..
I don't wan her to stop loving me..
I don't wan any of those..
I love u darling.. Sorry for all the shit i have given to u.. *sobz*
posted @ 6:07 PM